I have already spoken a little bit about how boring Mormon worship services are. I talked about how they stand up and tell you about how they believe this, that, and the other. Don't get me wrong, if you are ever unfortunate enough to suffer through a meeting of that kind you will scoop out your eyes and wear them in your ears just for funsies. Despite my dread, the meeting on Sunday was not one of these Testimonial Meetings. My informant told me about how these only happen once a month, on the first Sunday. I have to admit I was relieved. This week I attended a regular worship service.
All in all, it was boring as anything, but not near the level of mind melting shock and awe boring as before. The meeting began in the same way, with the Eucharist, the announcements and all that. Then instead of the testimonies, several people gave little speeches that sounded a lot like the testimonies but were written. Not that fascinating but something to sit through nonetheless. The children squirmed and ate little fruit snacks while coloring. People's heads bobbed as they lapsed into sleep. The clock slowed, violating the normative laws of space-time.
At first, no one seemed to notice me. My informant told me that the Mormons would gush all over me and be super happy that I was visiting and interested in their way of life. But everyone seemed to ignore me. As I sat down and waited for the music to stop and the man in the cheap suit to start talking, no one introduced themselves or talked to me or otherwise seemed to see me. For a short period I wondered if I had gone invisible, but the curious stares of the children assured me I was at least as visible as Al from Quantum Leap.
After the service while everyone stood and talked to each other I also stood and looked rather lost, hoping that someone would ponce on me. No one did, so I took my time and worked my way out of the chapel. I had almost given up when another suit stopped and crushed my hand in a wonder grip designed to make me wish I was not so weak.
"Why hello there," he gushed. "You seem to be new in the Ward. I take it you just moved in?"
I told him I had just moved in. He informed me that I should come earlier for the rest of the meetings. I told him I was not a Mormon, but would like to attend. He told me to come in at 11 for the other classes. Sunday school and such.
So next week I will have more news.
Have a great week everyone!